Why do we complete medical forms every time we go to the doctor? Have they not heard about this wonderful tool called the internet? You can actually send somebody to a website to and get this…complete the forms online! Jetsons, here we come. And really, do we need to complete new forms each year with our primary care physician? My guess is for many, the information is the same as last year or the past ten years. Maybe you had one little change that you need to mention – perhaps a new address, undiscovered allergy or preferred method of contact—mobile vs. house phone since you have a house phone number only because the cable and internet provider insists on you paying for a home phone number because this “triple play” is cheaper than if you cancelled the subscription for the service you don’t need – the home phone. I have a couple of reasons for not having a home phone – if I want to talk to you, I’ve given you my cell phone number. I had four home phones strategically laid throughout our house and each one slowly died, maybe I forgot to water them. Maybe I did water them and that was the problem. Anyway, they are dead yet folks continue to make calls to these dearly departed. You know who you are especially during election time. But I digress. I’m okay letting the doctor’s office know about a change in my life but everything else is the same — my name is still Shell after many decades. Do I really need to repeat that information?

Form filling expounded during the pandemic. I was waiting on a line to get my COVID booster and the woman in front of me started chatting. I was watching people walking up to the registrant (not sure that’s what she is called because I was in a Walmart as opposed to a medical facility – I needed to pick up grapes and Halloween candy in addition to getting a shot. The hospital doesn’t offer these shopping choices.) Anyway, I asked the woman how can I too get one of the clipboards since it seemed a necessary step to gain admission to the makeshift privacy area that I think they built out of curtain rods from Aisle 18’s Curtains and Blinds and adorned with canvas from the garden center. The magic happened behind the structure – a shot at redemption – yes, I’ll be even more vaccinated with this booster.

The lady in line pointed to the woman at the desk but said she didn’t understand why we had to complete forms since we had to give them a piece of our life story when we registered…online…to get the shot…at a specific time. I was now a half hour behind my appointment time. I approached the keeper of forms and despite vaccinations being free as we’re trying to get rid of this annoying bug so we can go out once more without panicking when someone is within six feet of us, she asked for my insurance card. I have insurance with my company so I did the right thing, I gave her my card. And do you know what she asked? Probably not since you weren’t there but I’ll let you know. She asked if I had Medicare. Medicare…the insurance of the 65 + world. I have ten more years before I can inhabit that space so my confidence in enjoying getting injected once more was quickly deteriorating. Despite that, I filled out the forms.

Do the requestor of forms actually read them? For instance, I went to get my annual mammogram. The receptionist asked me, “Did you get a mammogram here before?”. Well, yes, yes, I have. For the past five years. But maybe you forgot to note that fact each time I came in after handing you another set of forms letting you know who I am, where I live and what my insurance is (which by the way you should know since you took a copy of my card).

How about those non-medical forms like when you’re signing your life away on 30 different forms that a real estate closer keeps whipping in front of you at lightning speed? Is there anyone who actually reads the disclaimers? And if you do, do you get up and just walk away from the deal because you saw something you didn’t like? Just forget the weeks and weeks of working with the mortgage agent to unashamedly (or maybe ashamedly) bare your most personal details including how much you have in credit card debt? It’s the equivalent of being shoeless after not having had a pedicure in two months.

I don’t read the disclaimers and I hope to never find out I’ve agreed that the bank can take my house if I don’t plant yellow tulips in front. Not that there is anything wrong with yellow tulips, I just have a bad back.